Sunday Sermons

Questions on Marriage & Divorce

(Gen 2: 18-24; Ps 128: 1-6; Heb 2: 9-11; Mark 10: 2-16)

Fr Nelson Lobo OFM Cap

Introduction-today’s gospel discusses marriage & divorce.Knofel Staton, in his book ’Check Your Morality’, lists several false ideas about marriage that young people often pick up while growing up (pp. 102–103). Here are several of them: Marriage will solve all my problems: If I get married, I will never be lonely again, by marriage I can escape my parents, marriage is like an eternal date, I will change him/her after we are married, in marriage, our differences won’t cause trouble, marriage is a trap or prison, marriage takes all the fun out of life, marriage is simply a legal piece of paper. Tony Campolo, in his excellent book, “20 Hot Potatoes Christians are Afraid to Touch,” has this to say: I personally believe that most married couples inevitably come to a time when they wonder why they ever got married in the first place and think that it would be a relief to be “free” again. There comes that morning when the guy wakes up and looks across the bed to see his wife still asleep, her hair hanging down over her face and her mouth half open, and he asks, “How did I get into this?” Or perhaps she wakes up first to see her unshaven husband with no hair hanging down over his face, and she asks, “Is this what I’m stuck with for the rest of my life?” (p. 196)

Why God hates divorce?  (Malachi 2:10; 13-16) ask someone who has been through one and they will tell you. Ask the woman who is left alone with children and a house payment. Ask the man who cherished his wife, but she has decided that she’d rather be in the arms of some low-life in a bar than in his. Ask the children who have lived through tears, uncertainty, and feelings of being personally rejected when mommy or daddy leaves the family. Ask the grandparents who suffered. Ask them all why God hates divorce and they will tell you why. God hates divorce and it’s no wonder why. Anyone in their right mind hates what divorce does to people! A husband or wife is supposed to be the person who is the refuge against the storms of life. They are to comfort each other, help themselves cope with all the garbage that life just naturally throws at them. When that relationship is part of what’s wrong with one’s life, it can be overwhelming. And that is precisely why we must remember that God does indeed hate divorce, but He does not hate divorced people.

Why God forbids divorce?

God forbids divorce because it is a violation of a covenant, married couples made with him. When they were married it was in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. They took an oath before God in the church to stay married till death. An inviolable contract with God was made. When we breach contract with God, we also suffer punishment. God forbids divorce because of its terrible effects on families. The Nicholas Zill study. In 1993, social scientist Nicholas Zill reported that children of divorced parents are, regardless of their economic circumstances, more likely to have poor relationships with their parents, drop out of high school and receive psychological help. Author Maggie Gallagher summed this problem up well in her book The Abolition of Marriage. She writes “The evidence is now overwhelming that the collapse of marriage is creating a whole generation of children less happy, less physically and mentally healthy, less equipped to deal with life or produce at work, and more dangerous to themselves and others.” Divorce is a painful thing for an adult to endure. It causes incredible hurt. It is more painful for children who have no choice. God forbids divorce because it ruins a child’s emotional makeup. Divorce hurts children.

What happens when a marriage fails? It is a tragedy. It is a failure; there is some sin involved. Divorce doesn’t make children happy. Adults experience great pain in divorce too. Though it is seldom the fault of only one party, one spouse usually ends up feeling abandoned and rejected and bears those scars for years. Sometimes the spouse who initiated the breakup also has regrets as a new marriage doesn’t turn out as well as expected, and the children blame him or her for destroying the family. Another place where divorce causes great harm is in the church. When a marriage breaks up, there can be conflict in a church as people inevitably side with one partner or the other. There is controversy within churches on how to deal with people who are divorced.  People who have gone through a divorce sometimes choose not to attend church because they are afraid of how they will be treated. Many churches and individual Christians have a hard time knowing how to respond to divorce.

What was the traditional teachings of the Jewish law during Jesus’ time?

In talking about divorce, Jesus was taking on a very hotly debated issue. At that very time a controversy concerning acceptable grounds for divorce existed between two rival Rabbi-training schools. Rabbi Shammai took the conservative line. He founded his teaching on Deuteronomy 24:1, where Moses allowed for divorce, but Shammai believed the only acceptable reason for getting one was what the Scripture said – some grave marital offense – or an act of absolute indecency – such as adultery. Rabbi Hillel, on the other hand, adopted a much more lax position. And by the way, his was the most widely accepted point of view. He believed the statement of Moses applied to a man “who desires to be divorced from his wife for any cause whatsoever.” We’re talking super liberal here. For example, a man could divorce his wife: If she spoiled his dinner by adding too much salt, If she were seen in public with her head uncovered, If she talked with other men on the street, If she spoke disrespectfully to her husbands parents, If she became plain-looking compared with another woman who seemed more beautiful in her husband’s opinion.

Unbelievable! These are all examples of reasons for divorce that were acceptable in Jesus day. We may laugh, but how different is this from today? Don’t people still divorce for just about any and every reason imaginable? Modern examples: we don’t have enough money. I don’t feel like I’m getting all the emotional support I need. He’s not helping with the kids enough. She’s not building me up like I want to be built up. He’s added a hundred pounds. She’s not attractive as she once was. He wants to go to too many games. She spends too much money. I want to move to a bigger house, he doesn’t. I want more kids, she doesn’t. He doesn’t get along well with my side of the family. She spends too much time on the phone. The house is never clean. I don’t love him like I use to or I don’t love her anymore. Marriage is harder than I thought it would be. I want to be free again. I think I might be in love with somebody else. These things do not qualify as reasons for a divorce. These things are called life. These are the very things that Scriptures promised us among the troubles we would have simply if we choose to get married.

Why did Jesus condem this belief in Matthew?

Jesus said that Moses didn’t imply a man could divorce for no reason. He says that marriage is an inviolable contract that cannot be broken. A man was generally thought to be righteous or good in the matter of divorce if he gave his wife a written statement of divorce. She, at least, then could prove she was unmarried. This allowed her to defend herself against adultery if found with a man, seek marriage to another, or make her living as a prostitute. People in Jesus day saw this issue of giving divorce papers as a command. That’s what they focused on. But Jesus saw the whole issue of divorce as a regrettable concession.

How married couples can avoid divorce?

When Jesus spoke about divorce in Matthew, He gave us a way of avoiding divorce: become one flesh. Jesus reminds us that marriage is intended to make two people into one. One flesh means a total dedication of one to another. It means that person becomes a part of you in every way. You are joined together mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. We become one person with the same goals, priorities and interests.

What is marriage actually?

Marriage is about building something together. It is about making a family. It is about raising Godly children. It is about contributing to the good of the Christian community. It is about contributing to the growth of God’s kingdom. So, Happiness is something that comes as a result of what we build together over time. It is not the thrill seeking through materialism and sex that our culture portrays in relationships today.

So, is it better to remain single? Upon hearing Jesus talk about how divorce as commonly practiced was unacceptable, in Matthew 19:10 –His disciples say, “If that’s how things are, it’s better not to get married at all!” In other words, “Man, no one wants to be that trapped in a relationship. What if things don’t work out?” You’ve taken divorce so lightly that you’ve missed how beautiful God wants your marriage to be!” What you and I have to do is take our marriage vows more seriously. Become people of our word. If we promised, “Til death do us part,” then a promise is a promise.

What about the possibility of divorce and remarriage?

Possible three situations. 1. When a mate is guilty of sexual immorality and is unwilling to repent and live faithfully with a marriage partner (Mt 5:32 and 19:9). 2. When marriage and divorce occur before (2 Cor 5:17 – new creation). 3. When the mate is an unbeliever and willingly and permanently deserts the believing partner (1 Cor 7:12ff).  But sometimes reconciliation doesn’t come, does it? And divorces happen. Even when one party doesn’t really want the divorce. And in every divorce, regardless of the circumstances there is generally more than enough guilt.

Conclusion- Jesus wants couples to see the real meaning of marriage. God wants couples to stay together, to build together, to give to each other. He wants them to become one flesh; sharing everything, accomplishing things together. We have to remember that divorce is a regrettable concession. It is an option, but it doesn’t have to be exercised. Our laws allow us to sue people and take them to court, yet most of us make through life without going that route. Just because we can doesn’t mean we need to.

To be First be Servant of all

(Wis 2: 12, 17-20; Ps 54: 3-8; James 3: 16 – 4: 3; Mk 9: 30-37)

Fr Nelson Lobo OFM Cap

Why the apostles remained silent?  “They came to Capernaum. When He was in the house, He asked them, ’What were you arguing about on the road?’ But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.” Mark tells us that they didn’t answer Him. They didn’t answer because they were ashamed. As long as they thought that Jesus didn’t know, it seemed reasonable. But when they realized Jesus knew about their intention and discussion, they felt ashamed.  If they had been discussing how to serve God better, they would have been eager to tell Jesus about that.

What could be the reason of their discussion? Peter, James & John after transfiguration episode might have been having very excited discussion among themselves.  Now when the rest of the apostles heard them talking like that, you can imagine their curiosity: “What are you talking about? What did you see?” Then Peter might have replied, “Well, we really can’t say. Maybe someday we can tell you what we saw on top of the mountain, but right now Jesus only wants the 3 of us to know, & we’ve been instructed not to tell anybody else.”

Did Jesus reprimand His apostles? “Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve & said, ’If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, & the servant of all.’”  Now notice that Jesus did not condemn them or rebuke them for desiring greatness. He did not say that it is wrong to want to be great. I believe that God has given all of us an inborn trait that makes us want to be great in whatever it is that we do. Jesus doesn’t say that’s wrong. But He defines what “greatness” is. What is “greatness?” “True greatness is to be found in service, in a concern about others, willing even to be last, instead of always putting ourselves first.” This is contrary to everything the world teaches. The world says that greatness is measured by how many people serve us. Greatness, according to the world, is measured by the number of lives that we control.

Why did Jesus use a child as an object lesson? Someone said, “Jesus used a child because a child really can’t do anything for us.” A child can’t enhance our position in society. A child can’t add to our success. On the contrary, a child demands things. Every mother & father knows that when they become parents they begin to learn what “serving” is all about. They quickly learn about sacrificing themselves, their time, their energy and money to meet the needs of their children. The moment they become parents they start giving & giving & giving.  And when children get married parents are still giving. So, Jesus took the child & said, “This is what I’m talking about. A child can’t do anything for you. A child can’t make you more important in the eyes of the world. But a child can teach you what ministry is all about.”

Stories: Dr. Viktor Frankl was an Austrian physician who was imprisoned in one of Hitler’s death camps. He and his fellow Jewish people suffered unbelievable atrocities. Everything about their living and working conditions were deplorable, including their medical care. Dr. Frankl offered what little medical help he could to the sick and dying. Over time, he discovered a unique phenomenon he recorded in his book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’. He said those people who kept their strength and sanity the longest were those who tried to help other prisoners and share what little they had. Their physical and mental condition seemed strengthened by their friendliness, compassion, and focus on something other than themselves. Ministry energizes, contrary to the great fear that resources will be depleted if we help others.

A certain family had two sons. The older said he must make a name for his family, so turned his face towards Parliament and fame. The younger decided to give his life to the service of Christ and turned his face towards China and duty. He was Hudson Taylor, the missionary, who died beloved and known on every continent. “But,” someone wrote, “when I looked in the encyclopedia to see what the other son had done, I found these words, ’the brother of Hudson Taylor.’ “

“Unless our belief in God causes us to help our fellow man, our faith stands condemned.”–Billy Graham

Year B-Taking the Road Less Travelled

(Isaiah 50: 5-9a; Ps 116: 1-9; James 2: 14-18; Mark 8: 27-35)

Fr Nelson Lobo OFM Cap

Introduction: What did Jesus mean when He said to take up the cross? What does it mean to “take up” or “bear a cross”? What does the Bible teach about “cross bearing?” When Jesus says take up your cross and follow me, first of all, we see the startling honesty of Jesus. Jesus never tries to bribe us by the offer of an easy life. During the WW2, when Winston Churchill took over the leadership of England, all that he offered his people was “blood, sweat & tears.” Same was offered by Garibaldi to the people of South Italy.  And that is very much like what Jesus is offering to His followers, too. We must remember that Jesus never calls upon us to do anything that He was not prepared to do Himself. What He asks us to face, He has already faced. And when He calls upon us to take up a cross, He, Himself, has already borne one for us.  So, let’s see a few things about cross bearing.

Cross Bearing Was Confusing: Paul wrote: “Jews demand miraculous signs & Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews & foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews & Greeks, Christ the power of God & the wisdom of God” (1 Cor 1:22 24). We can understand the Jews stumbling over the idea of their Messiah hanging on a cross. They were an oppressed people. They had been oppressed by Assyrians & Babylonians & Greeks, & now by the Romans.  But one thing kept them going through it all, God’s promise of the Messiah.  Fathers would tell their children, “One day the Messiah will come & set us free. He will be a magnificent king with legions of soldiers behind him. They will defeat our enemies & make them bow down before us.”  Then the Messiah came, but not as they had expected. He came as a carpenter, a preacher from Nazareth. Some called Him a madman. His army was made up of twelve men. And instead of great military victories, there was a crucifixion.  So, the cross was a stumbling block to the Jews. It wasn’t what they expected. It wasn’t what they wanted to hear. And neither do we.

JESUS CLARIFIES THE CONCEPT OF CROSS BEARING

1. Cross Bearing is Always Voluntary-Jesus calls us, & challenges us, but it is our decision. Taking up a cross & following Jesus is voluntary.
2. Cross Bearing is an Act of Love– Cross bearing is not an accident that happens to us, or something unavoidable that we must face. Cross bearing is an act of love that we choose to do. It is a task that we undertake, a price that we pay, out of love for Him. For Jesus it meant going to a cross to die because He loved us so much, He could do nothing else.  “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (Jn 15:13).  It means reaching out to people who are unlovable & unlovely & who may never return the love. And yet we are to keep on loving because that’s what Jesus did. 1 Cor 13:4 reads (exchange the word “love” with “cross bearer”): “A cross bearer is patient. A cross bearer is kind. A cross bearer does not envy. A cross bearer does not boast. A cross bearer is not arrogant or rude. A cross bearer is not self-seeking.  A cross bearer is not easily angered, nor keeps records of wrongs. He does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. A cross bearer always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” That is what cross bearing means. It means taking the love of God to the very ends of the world. To touch the lives of people who are unlovable. It means denying & sacrificing. It means paying the price regardless of the hardships we must endure.
3. Cross Bearing is Hard– Off course it is hard. Whenever the message of the cross has been preached, people have always objected to it. Jesus talked about His impending death on a cross & His apostles recoiled at that. They tried to keep Him from going to Jerusalem. They said, “We don’t want you to die.” When He did die on the cross, they hid behind locked doors, fearful of what might happen next.

Conclusion: If you really love Jesus, take up the Cross and follow Him.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference”- Robert Frost

(1 Kings 19: 4-8; Psalm 34; Ephesians 4: 30 – 5: 2; John 6: 41-51)

Fr Nelson Lobo OFM Cap

Introduction: Sometimes our life feels out of control. There are times when it seems the world is out of control. And that maybe even God is not in control anymore. Maybe we don’t say it, but often that’s how we feel. When we turn on our TV’s and we see immoral lifestyles being not only accepted but celebrated we feel God is no longer in control. When we see evil people do evil things and get away with it we feel God is no longer in control. When we see injustice and dishonesty getting the upper hand, we feel God is no longer in control. When we see these things, we wonder, why does God remain silent? Or in our own personal lives when we see a loved one suffer, we wonder why? Or when we are criticized and condemned for doing what is right. Or when our children reject and rebel from everything, we taught them growing up. Whenever things like this happen, we wonder, why does God remain silent? Is he in control anymore?

Well, Elijah was asking the same questions. We have to remember something as we look at the life of Elijah. We have to remember that though he is a great prophet, he is still a human prophet, with human weaknesses, and human frailties, like all of us. Have you ever felt that way? I have had enough, take my life. Life is not worth living anymore. Maybe some of us have been in that dark place, that dark hole, and there is no light, and we feel as if the only solution, the only answer is to end life. And even if you have never reached that point in your life, you have still felt that desire to just quit. To quit your job, to quit your marriage, to quit as a parent, to quit church, to just quit trying. To just give up, throw in the towel. And you say, “That’s it, I have had enough!”

Story of Elijah: That’s where Elijah was. He had had enough. And so, God hears his cry. He hears his tears, and he reaches down from the heavens and he touches Elijah and gives him food, and sends him even further south into the desert. For 40 days and 40 nights, Elijah retreats into the wilderness. Sort of reminds us of Jesus who spent 40 days and nights in the desert, perhaps it was the same desert. And so Elijah retreats into that desert, gets away from it all.  But, why does Elijah, a man who has demonstrated no fear up to this point, a man who has faced his enemies, has seen the powerful acts of God time after time… why does he allow the threats of Jezebel to cause him to plunge into such distress and depression?

Well, the heart of his frustration is the apparent silence of God. Elijah was questioning whether or not God was truly in control. Ahab has been on his throne for years and years, Jezebel has had her evil ways, the people of Israel continue to reject the Lord, and yet God allows these terrible things to continue. If God is in control, then why would he allow such evil things to happen? Elijah felt like God was silent.  God sends a powerful wind, then an earthquake, then a fire. But God was not in any of those, and then a gentle whisper and Elijah could sense God’s presence in that gentle whisper.  You see, just when we think God is silent, just when we think he is out of control. Just when we begin to doubt, and lose hope, and wonder if it would be better to just quit. God speaks in ways we least expect. Elijah would expect God to speak in an earthquake like he did for Moses and the Israelites, Elijah would expect God to speak in a fire like he did on top of Mt Carmel and in the Burning Bush. But Elijah didn’t expect God to speak with a gentle whisper.

God’s prescription for Elijah’s discouragement –God gave him rest. The Lord put him into a deep sleep. Then God woke him and gave him something to eat.  God took care of his physical needs. Then he slept some more and arose again to eat. Then the Lord led him to a place where he could be alone with God. The Lord got him to talk and pour out his heart. He did not judge him or criticize him — he just listened. Then God gave him a job to do. There was a king to anoint who would wipe out every trace of Ahab and Jezebel, new hope for Israel. And finally, God gave Elijah a friend and companion in Elisha, someone to share the load.

Prescription #1: Rest

Prescription #2: Rediscover God

Prescription #3: Reassignment

Prescription #4: Relationship

The most vulnerable point in our life is right after we’ve experienced a mighty victory. When we come off the mountain, we often go right into the valley.